The House is holding hearings this week about the return of the earmarking process. People in the pro-earmark camp will roll out flimsy defenses such as, “the power of the purse means we should control where all the dollars go,” and “we need this to grease the skids so Congress can work again.” DC politicians so often forget they are not negotiating or bargaining with play money, rather, that money comes from taxes paid by hard working Americans.
So to put earmarks in perspective, we decided to find out how pro-earmarking arguments would hold up in the real world. Enjoy!
Waiter: “Oh you want to see the menus? Yeah, I’m gonna need a tip first.”
Pilot: “Excuse me ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I know we said your final destination is Seattle, but a package with a pair of Golden State Warriors tickets says we are going to San Francisco. Sorry for any inconvenience.”
Architect: “Here is the 21st century sleek and modern office building you hired me to design.”
Teacher: “Timmy – you’ve been absent half the year and asleep the other, but if you get your mom to bring in her famous chocolate cake, then I’ll make sure you get an A.”
Plumber: “Well it looks like you’ve got rusted out pipes that may burst and flood your house any moment now. I’m gonna go ahead and put up this sweet Moana shower curtain and have a photo op.”
Surgeon: “Sure there are 15 people in critical condition at the ICU, but I’m going to fix my golfing buddy’s tennis elbow first. Don’t forget, I have a unique perspective of my hospital’s needs and priorities.”
Dietician: “Overweight with high blood pressure? Just keep doing what you’re doing but add more pork. That will definitely help.”
Firefighter: “The dispatch directed us to put out the massive forest fire, but I think we should start a few house fires instead.”
TV Host: “And you get a park! And you get a museum! And you get a bike trail! And… no, not you. You didn’t applaud during my introduction. You get nothing.”
Intern: “I’ve been sorting the mail for two weeks. I’m definitely qualified to make major strategic decisions for the company now.”
Fitness trainer: “We really need to strengthen the power of your purse.”
Hairdresser: “What’s the big deal? I only shaved a small strip of your head!”
Wedding planner: “Who cares about the vows?”